You never know what you'll Find

     Follow this link to a video that shows what went on in the 40th MP quarters when soldiers were supposed to be resting for the next days missions...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3lDsh_g0JSc&feature=mfu_in_order&list=UL

Impressive?

We are AMERICANS bitches!

Secretary of State Hilary Clinton ( you go girl) just spoke. She totally nailed it on the head - to paraphrase; " You can not out run us, you can not out wait us, you can not out distance us. WE are AMERICANS. It is true. The death of Osama bin laden filled Americans' around the world with a sense of satisfaction they haven't felt since Franklin Roosevelt was in office.


A plaque of the darkest terror any living human could create has been irraticated.

While choosing to give assistance to the world, America has provided the opportunity for other nations to offer their citizens a chance to live in a world free of terror. There has been a surge in people demanding basic human rights. The simple truth is: ALL peoples want to live a life that allows for food, shelter, love, family and life.

The world now has a chance to make the single largest change in the history of the planet - The chance for world peace. It is my hope that this magnificent event is the catalyst to unite the world.

If you haven't bought a copy - check it out now!

yuou have got to read it to understand it!
"This is the kind of book that makes you skip lunch, and loose sleep because you can't put the darn thing down! LOL.. I love this book because the author had the guts to write about the things that happened to her during a hellish deployment to the grueling sandbox. Most women will continue to live their lives keeping this kind of crap stored, but Sara stepped up to the plate and is willing to let everyone know what kind of scumbags there are out there. this book is full of emotion and unforgettable an unforgettable reading experience. I recommend this book to anyone and everyone! "
-Marky Mark

"Excellent read. I couldn't put it down. Before reading this book, I was only aware of these types of problems through rumor and hearsay. As an Infantry Soldier (who has been deployed to Iraq), interaction with other female Soliders is limited, fleeting, and under a microscope. That a Military Police unit, charged with enforcing our regulations, could create an environment like the one described in the book, is disgusting at best. For Soldiers to allow this to happen is a travesty and I commend the author for having the courage to bring it to light. If you are a female Soldier or an NCO/Officer in charge of female Soldiers, you need to read this book. This should never be allowed to happen again"

"This book is powerful and emotional. Having many female friends that have served this great country of ours, and hearing their personal stories I can completely relate to this book as it's written. At times I have doubted the authenticity of their personal experience. Horror stories about corruption, favoritism, sexual abuse, and out of control leadership just can't be true when speaking about our armed forces. It just can't be. However, as frightening and sad as it may be, this book matches experience shared many of our female service members. I am now sold on the fact that these things do happen, there is abuse, corruption, and something needs to be done to correct the system. It's almost as if having stripes on your shoulder is a get out of jail free card to be a predator, to be unaccountable, and to be a disgusting human being. All I can hope is that these stories will start to surface after being buried for so long. If this had happened to my daughter, I would only hope to find the cowards one day in a dark alley."


http://www.amazon.com/Iraq-they-safe-Inside-Wire/dp/1609119738/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1295929033&sr=1-1

is it ever really over...

The effects of being deployed never go away. Sure they can fade into distant memories or they are relived with each retelling, but you never forget.
 There are soldiers who sleep on the ground in freezing rain. They walk for miles with 80 pounds of gear, They fight in the dark, they push on. There is little time for stupidity. For these soldiers and for the ones who fell, they are the real heroes. They average in age from 19 -27. They lead the young men who follow them through the toughest experiences of their lives. These are the soldiers' who shake their head at the non sense that goes on while deployed.
Those who fight with each other, sleep with each other, miss wake up for a mission because they are asleep from too much to drink, those who go on a mission only to go into villages to eat, they laugh at those who shoot donkeys for fun. They are angered by the women who go home pregnant.
There is honor to having served in war time, but their is also embarrassment. The stupid games that happen are needlessly wasting soldiers' time. Is it ever really over? No. When those same soldiers' return home they will create the same drama back at home.

Livin the Dream

...yeah, Livin the Dream is a common phase used to say a lot with minimal words. It is usually said to mean - in reality this shit sucks, but let's keep our attitude positive. That will carry you a long way towards the finish line.
You might see people overwhelmed with duties, such as going down range on training missions, going on missions outside the wire, as well as doing Physical training in the rain, working out in the gym, eating healthy and in moderstion.  You could look at them and say - man I would hate to be them. But they are looking at you sayin the same thing!
In the Army when you say how's it going? The common answer might be "Living the Dream" Or "Doin the damn thang" all this means is this is a choice I made. I knew it would be hard, but here I am. I am not going to complain about it, but I will make light of it.
A lot of soldiers' get caught up in the anger, the depression, the pity parties. But this doesn't help you get thru the mission any easier. The best way to get through the mission is to stay focused on the mission, be busy after work, get plenty of rest, stay vigilant, look out for your fellow soldiers and above all stay in touch with your family.
Keep the Drama down. Don't get into other peoples' lives back home. Be honest to yourself and to other's around you. If you can do all of this you will get through it all. The best advice I can give you is no matter how bad it gets is to stay happy. Stay centered. The dream - makin money, seeing the world, meeting new people ( and killing them) (JK) is the dream. And when you return home hopefully you will have some money saved for a nice little vacation and when someone asks you what you are doing on the beach with a cold beer rockin some new threads, you can replyy" Livin the Dream baby, just living the dream"

Living a Myth

For as long as I can remember I have never liked the grey areas. I have a serious issue when the rules say - you may not do this, if you do then this is the consequence AND THEN someone breaks this rule and the consequences don't apply. this goes against all the norms set forth.
Whenever norms on behavior are enforces episodically, even with situational adjustments the value or the impact of that norm is reduced. So let's take this situation for instance; the rules say the fraternization is not allowed. And if this does occur then the result will be any combination of consequences. But this really only applies to soldiers outside of your organization, not to you. Bullshit.
If the rules are broken it is either yes it is broken or no it is not. Of course there is the saying that you are innocent until proven guilty - but really you already know if you are guilty or not, it is just a game to make THEM PROVE you did it.
It has become the norm in some units to know the rules, but not to adhere to the rules. And when they are called to answer for their choices, they immediately look for ways to beat the system. This is a gray area. For not going with the status quo, for asking if this is the rule, why aren't we following it? means risking not being a team player. If being a team player means sticking my head in the sand and ignoring what is occurring and not reporting the inconsistency between what the rule is and what is actually being done, then I am not a team player.
If I am responsible for my team, and my team does something that breaks the norms, breaks the rules or challenges what is morally right I need to step up and say something. So if by looking out for the best interest of my team means I am not a team player, then I can live with that. I do not want to be a team player at the risk of living a myth.

Who Will Take Responsibility?

It is so important to me that I have to say it...
     There were some soldiers who I deployed with who were amazing. What made them amazing was thier heart. They genuinely cared about the mission, other soldiers and they were not into playing games. Take this one soldier - she was a former marine. She was a squared away soldier. She knew her job and she did it. You didn't have to tell her or ask her. It was done.
     There was a couple of male NCOs who were loyal to their wives loyal to their families and loyal to the soldiers. One in particular stood out to the point of being everyones friend. He looked after the soldiers even if he talked shit behind their back - don't we all do that to some degree. This talk wasn't out of disrespect it was out of disbelief. He dealt with a lot of idiotic issues. Some he put squarely on the commanders desk and a lot of others he mentored, (toutalidge) There were a couple of male NCOs who kept to themselves, they went to the gym, they went to work and they were doing their best to stay out of the fray.
     The problem with all of this good stuff is that these soldiers witnessed what was going on and they didn't do anything to stop it. They were just as responsible for the debaucle as those directly involved in it.
     It is the responsibility of every NCO to do the right thing even when no one is watching. It isn't always easy to be the responsible one. But if you are the one wearing the stripes - it is your primary responsibility to keep your troops in line. If you choose to ignore the behavior or turn a blind eye to the behavior then you are a piece of shit. Nothing that you do has any meaning and you cannot be trusted.
     Being part of a team doesn't mean you area a patsy. a push over or blind. Being part of a team means you hold the moral compass for your actions as well as the actions of your team. It is NEVER OK to accept immoral behavior for the sake of friends. If not you then who? Who will step in and take responsibility?

Now This is how serious the MP mission Is

 This is the 16th MPs who were our higher.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_UEgfSqFPdE&feature=related

40th Military Police National Guardsmen at thier best!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3lDsh_g0JSc&feature=mfu_in_order&list=UL

Idiotic behaviors?

So Now What?

This issue now begs the question - So Now What?.

     If the status quo is to simply go along as we always have because that is easier than dealing with the implication of military stalking and abuse within the Army National Guard, then this type of event will continue to occur and those that speak out against them will continue to be Black Listed.

     In an effort to address the behavior of predatory stalking, often ignorantly referred to as "NCO chasing", "the cost of doing business", or "I can't help who I am attracted to"; it is time the leaders in today's military take an aggressive stand and place a zero tolerance on this behavior.

     The odd thing is that soldiers on Active Duty take this issue very seriously. They receive annual and semi-annual classes and training on the sensitive subjects of stalking, date rape, excessive drinking, and fraternization. Where does the break down lie? Is the Army National Guard leadership and members left out of this requirement? Are they lacking the training?

     Sadly the answer is no. Each component is required to have this training during MUTAs and before deployment. The difference is, the Army National Guard doesn't take it seriously. In the case in point, the females who became pregnant in a war zone were given birth control pills and condoms for no charge. They were briefed on becoming clearing barrels for the men who would use them and then leave them and go home to their spouses. They were told that the mission comes first.

     Yet in 9 cases, within the same company females became pregnant in a war zone. These pregnancies resulted in a loss of personnel strength and a weakened battle force. The females were sent home by way of a REFRAD station where they continued to receive a military paycheck until they gave birth to their bastard children.
When an investigation was conducted and sworn statements were signed these girls lied, under oath and nothing was done. The something that could have been done involved a lot of paperwork and the Active Duty Army did not want to deal with it and the Army National Guard unit involved sure as hell didn't want anything to do with it.




     The men from within the unit who fathered the children should have been brought up on chrages - conduct unbecoming and adultery. The women should have been charged with lying under oath and conduct unbecoming, but they weren't. No one wanted to go down that long paperwork trail.

     When these folks returned home, the men involved (in some cases) moved out of their spouses home and into the new home of the female they impregnated while at war.

     My issue with all of this behavior is the implication that it is easier to go with the status quo than it is to do the right thing. The weight of the paperwork outweighed the choice to do nothing. Therefore this behavior continues to occur because history has proven time and time again that nothing will become of your adultery or your conduct unbecoming.

It was bound to happen

It should be noted that I baffled by the need to create so much drama over non-existent issues. Well, they would be non existent issues if they were not started in the first place.

 In the Army, the average age of most soldiers serving in combat is approximately 19-27. Most have never traveled the world and many have never left their home state. In a lot of the cases, this is the first money they have ever made that is theirs and is substantial.

This is very interesting because it is these very soldiers who we train to lead, serve, and protect our nation. We provide training in leadership. We give them the skills to do their MOS, we provide training in leadership, then we give them upwards of $2.5 million dollars of equipment to watch over, take care of and they do it.

They do it because it makes them proud to be so young and to be seen as such a worthy professional. Yet, these kids, can not manage their own lives.

These young men and women, who learn about life from their friends and experience love from someone who needs a way out. (These soldier's have already found their way out - the potential new spouses they meet in the local area they grew up in, are looking for a kind heart, a kind word, a way out)

So they end up getting married. And they immediately begin having kids. Then they deploy. And for what it's worth, there are many experienced soldiers who have been around this environment for 15- 20 years. They can smell desperation a mile away.

This mixture of desperation, deployment and being separated from their new spouses sets in motion a series of events that will only end in crisis. There will come a time when values are laid to rest along side the wedding rings tossed on a table while the lust they have for affection, attention and recognition is fullfilled.

Once this action is complete. The guilt sets in, they rationalize the feelings of guilt by making excuses for thier behavior. All the while being wooed by a more experienced person. They say it will be No Strings Attached - but the heart becomes involved without reservation and then there is a double whammy. Heartbreak.

When they go home on leave to see the family, the excitement of the reunion with spouse and children dim the event into a far away memory. But they will always be haunted by the infidelity they choose.

how do men rationalize the sentement

What happens in Iraq stays in Iraq.

Well not exactly.

There always comes a time when the stories start. You're sitting in a bar having a few drinks, laughing and telling stories. That's when someone lets their guard down. Someone forgets that, "THAT" story was not supposed to be retold.

All ears perk up, the laughter stops and everyone concentrates on the tale that is now unfolding. You listen, subliminally comparing the tale with what you knew. You compare the story with the rumors and that's when you realize, this story is true.

Then someone realizes that the story has not been told before. They listen to themselves telling the story, but they can't stop telling it because everyone is so into it. When the tale is told everyone goes back to drinking and laughing and pretty soon the mood returns to the group, but no one forgets the story.

The next day they are retelling the story with their friends. Everyone says,"I can't believe that" only to eagerly taking mental notes so they can retell the story - only they add a twist. The story they re-tell is mostly wrong, additionally it now has a few more flourishes and a little extra zip.

By this time the story makes it back to the person the story is about and they get pissed. "That's not what happened!" they proclaim. But it's too late. What happened in Iraq did not stay in Iraq.

The moral of this little tale?

If you don't want to hear about your own exploits through a third source, then check your integrity and make the moral decision that you can live with. If that means you can cheat on your husband, cheat on your wife, use women as clearing barrels, misuse your position for power and control, mistreat your soldiers, use your friends, make secret pacts, cover up for misguided acts, shoot defenseless animals, tell stories that are outright lies, steal money, or do what ever unethical immoral action you choose then by all means follow through.

Just know that everyone will eventually find out.

The effects of isolation

When I was deployed, I felt the harsh reality of isolation from a friendly face. More than a friendly face, someone who had a sincere interest in my day, my worries my lonliness. The effects of this type of isolation creates a very isolated environment.
During the times of my deployent I kept busy. I worked hard, I went to the gym, I slept. I self medicated with tylenol PM. I was taking 4-6 tylenol PM every night in order to sleep. Sometimes it worked sometimes it didn't. I looked forward to escaping this prison of isolation by sleep. When sleep refused to come I was miserable.
I had no one to talk to. Every one had a ulterior motive for being friendly. I was ordered not to talk to anyone in the Company. I did just that. I was so miserable that I would sit for hours late at night and write my feelings down on paper then carefully tear the paper up. I would tear it into little shreds of paper smaller and smaller until it looked like snow. Then I would do it again and again.
I went to work myself, I went to the gym by myself, I went to chow by myself, I was in a daze. I forgot what day it was, I rarely looked at the time as it clicked by. I would not count down the days, I didn't want to know how much time I had left I didn't want to think of it. I just did my time and hoped for it to end.

In Response to The Critics

     I had sent out a notice via my personal e-mail that I had a book being published. There were a lot of mixed responses to this book. One person in particular had a response that stood out to me Please take me off your mailing list. I am sorry your deployment wasn't what you wanted, good luck to you.
     I did remove this person from my list. now this person just happened to be a captain in the united states army national guard from California.At first I didn't think I knew this person, but I realized I did know him in a round about way. I had put my name on a list to fill vacancies going to Afghanistan. He refused my application.
      He was sorry that my deployment didn't go the way I wanted it. How would he know how i wanted it to go? Unless he read my book.  Which I knew he hadn't because then he would have known.
     It wasn't that I wanted the deployment to go any certain way. But I did know that I wanted it going in accordance to standards. Take you off my mailing list with pleasure. I question what knowledge he has of me.It must be only hearsay - but it is bad enough to prevent being picked up for a mission.
     As a captain he should have read the book. He could have saved himself much heartache.

Remember once you Say it outloud you can't take it back

     We all get mad. we all get made in different ways. Regardless of how we express our anger, once the thoughts are verbalized, let out loudly, written, or whispered the damage is done.
     Where is the truth in that? is there any truth in the words spoken in anger? Is it true or is it anger? I recall several events that make me question a person's words.
We had just gone thru the OC spray course, a painfull blinding, pepper spray that burns for hours even after you try to wash it off. Some people try to act as though there is nothing happening, and others are screaming at the top of thier lings because of the discomfort.
Having observed several females suffering with the end results of the spray, I went to their aid. One of the females was the sister of the First Sergeant's pet. She was hostile, bitter and filled with hate for my help. I had been recovering from the spray and offered to guide her over to the fan - the cooling air lessened the burning sensation on your skin, she gritted her teeth and spat at me :Don't touch me!" she pulled her arms from me with a violent jerk. I was shocked. So I let her be. I took care of my own face.
     As I was walking to my area to pick up my gear, the first sergeant stopped me and told me to go help his pet. She was having a very bad reaction to the OC spray. I told him what had just happened and he ordered me to try again. I refused. I didn't see the good in it. He insisted and so back I went. I offered her cool towels for her eyes and she threw them on the ground. "Don't fuckin help me!" ok. so I left. I walked the long way around the buildings, found a dry corner and sat down to rest and recover. As I was contemplating what had just happened, and I had no way to know why someone, in agony, in severe pain would spit at you or cuss at you unless they felt you were trying to hurt them, or cause further damage to thier situation.
     People sat down, eventually talking to each other about the sucess of the course," You looked so funny with the snot in your nose dangling down," You looked like you were Hurting," on and on with a little light hearted teasing. Building comraderie. Strenthening the bonds needed to rely on later when the stress of a mission would call on each person's resiliency and test thier personal courage to the point of breaking.
     I shared this time of ribbing with no one. I sat on the outskirts listening, laughing silently to my self, but not welcome to join in. I as sad. So I adopted my thick outer shell. My shell was getting thicker and this was juct the beginning.

It's a Small Military World

     I am still in the National Guard, however I am away on Title 10 orders. The unit I am assigned to back in California, is in Pittsburg. Isn't it ironic that even though they are short on personnel for missions to Korea, Afghanistan and Iraq, they choose not to utilize me on any of them?
     Not that I want to go, but I would do it to do my part. I have found out the hard way that the National Guard Military Police Units stick together - no matter what. I have placed my name on several MOB lists and yet no one wants to pick me up! Are they afraid I will write a book about it? I mean really, if that is all they are worried about then do what's right- ethically and morally and there will not be anything to fear!

Whew! What's next?

Well it has been a long 23 months since I was released from the Wounded Warrior Battalion. I have went through many different physical therapy programs, had two more MRIs take any number of pain pills and pain management strategies.
I was able to accept my job as an Operation Warrior Trainer at Ft Lewis Washington. And I was selected to remob again in 2010 with another great group of trainers.
Both of these units had much to do with my recovery. The sincerity, honest feedback, and collaboration with the Professionals in these units was nothing short of spectacular. It is oddly ironic though - when I arrived at this location for my first year as an operation warrior trainer I saw that about 10 soldiers from the unit I deployed to Iraq with were there!
I was shocked! Damn! Two in particular were in my same unit! I do not know how they made it here. But here they were. I thought I had left the worst of the worst behind - but here they were! It wasn't long before they knew I was a part of this training unit. I had the opportunity to watch them struggle and fail to make the standards required to stay in the training organization.
In this environment, soldiers were held to a much higher standard. Nothing was expected except professionalism, integrity and hard work. Every one had to pass a PT test - that meant me, them all of us.
Even with my broke back I was able to score 275 on my test. These two individuals failed theirs! Three times. They could not make height and weight. They continued to be in trouble after trouble, finally being cut loose early. They were not of the same caliber as the soldiers they were training with. The requirements were just too much for them - so they exited quietly.
The other folks had two or three of the former soldiers REFRAD early for lack luster performance as well as not maintaining the standards. There was a question on everyone's lips - How did these folks make it thru the screening phase to this assignment? The answer was soon abundantly clear - they had help in their application.
But as life will have it, their own lack of soldiering skills, lack of professionalism, lack of integrity caught up with them and they were sent home.
I am still here. I am doing well aside from my continual back pain. I do what I can to a 150% every day. I take my pain meds and I keep pushing. I am only four years out from retirement - 20 good years. I am going to stick it out to the end.

Bad Things Happen - Why Not just acknowledge it and Move On?

I have received a few HATE emails from those depicted in my book. There have been anonymous posting to my web site. And Most recently an email from the female soldier who was the First Sergeant's Pet. She contacted me via face-book, in a private email message.  This is a direct quote from the email,<http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1473620135> "REALLY! YOU HAD NOTHING BETTER TO DO THAN TO WRITE A BOOK ABOUT ME??? I'M GLAD I'M STILL IN YOUR MIND..."  followed by, "TAKE THE SSG OFF. YOUR NOT A SOLDIER AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :
Isn't it Ironic? If she had actually read the book she would have known it was not about her, it was about the actions of a few disturbed men. Actually I don't find her comments anything more than misinformed. She was gullible then and she remains so now.


According to her Face book page she is single - but according to her other links she is living with the dishonored Former First Sergeant with their bastard son. I do know that she must have had a really hard time balancing her loss of her war time lover with the birth of her illegitamite son.
She comes from a very strong heritage of Hispanic people. I am certain that her pregnacy while not being married upon her return home was a disgrace to her family.
But the harsh reality of it is that I really don't think she cared much about what her family was thinking because she was focused on pleasing her lover - at the cost of a strained relationship with her mother.
I do understand her feelings, and I do support her attempt to integrate back into the real world, alone, with no one to be by her side. No one to rely on. No one to help her.
And sadly enough she is still in the military - not a very fitting place for her. She was going to school to study for her degree in psychology, however, I do not know if she was able to meet the demands of a credentialed school program and the single parenting role of her new life.
She may think that I wrote a book about her, but really it was a book about the abuse of her. Abuse of her innocence, abuse of her nativity, abuse of her emotions and of her trust.I hope she finds what she needs in her life and that when she matures she will understand all that goes into being a mistree to a married man who has over 18 years invested in his marriage.

After the Return

It is odd to fins yourself back in the US after being deployed. It feels surreal. The sights, the sounds the hussle and bussel takes your senses by a storm. I remember thinking, " I am just not readyh for all the people, the crowds the questions".
It must have been even stranger for the girls in my book, " In Iraq They Say it's Safe Inside The Wire. That's a lie". Having deployed with a foot loose and free way of to return home pregnant and alone. The fathers  (sperm donors) who were responsible for the pregnancies, were still deployed. These women were sent home, alone.
Going home alone, pregnant, knowing that you would be having a baby with no one by your side must have been traumatic. The other issue that these girls had to face is that the father were married or in relationships that were established.
These men had a wife at home who was sending them care packages and pictures of the children. The wives didn't know that their husbands were sharing the care packages with a war lover.The deceit was only becoming more and more complicated. As the men had to play the game of hide and seek. Hide the truth of what they were doing from the real world, which was the family back home, seeking the comfort of the bed of the girls they were using as sperm receptacles in Iraq.
It isn't any wonder that these men did not want what they were doing to come to life. Imagine the fallout from their wives. The wives would be heart broken soon enough, how did the men intend to keep the birth of thier illegitimate child a secret? The lies were frequent and I imagine very creative.
I wonder how these couples could look at each other knowing that their relationship was built on lies and deceit? The eventual outcome would of course be betrayal on all sides.

When Janey Comes Marching Home: Portraits of Women Combat Veterans

Women are officially barred from combat in the American armed services, yet in today's wars, where there are no front lines, the ban on combat is virtually meaningless. More than in any previous conflict in our history, American women are engaging with the enemy, suffering injuries, and even sacrificing their lives in the line of duty.
When Janey Comes Marching Home juxtaposes 48 photographs (see accompanying file) by Sascha Pflaeging with oral histories collected by Laura Browder to provide a dramatic portrait of women at war. Women from all five branches of the military share their stories here - stories that are by turns moving, comic, thought-provoking, and profound. Seeing their faces in stunning color portraits and reading what they have to say about loss, comradeship, conflict, and hard choices will change the ways we think about women and war.
Serving in a combat zone is an all-encompassing experience that is transformative, life-defining, and difficult to leave behind. By coming face-to-face with women veterans, we who are outside that world can begin to get a sense of how the long wars in Iraq and Afghanistan have impacted their lives and how their stories may ripple out and influence the experiences of all American women.
Laura Browder is the Tyler and Alice Haynes Professor of American Studies at the University of Richmond. She is the author of Her Best Shot: Women and Guns in America and is the writer and coproducer of the documentary film Gone to Texas: The Lives of Forrest Carter, based on her book Slippery Characters: Ethnic Impersonators and American Identities.
Sascha Pflaeging is a freelance photographer for clients such as Getty Images, CBS, a