When I was deployed, I felt the harsh reality of isolation from a friendly face. More than a friendly face, someone who had a sincere interest in my day, my worries my lonliness. The effects of this type of isolation creates a very isolated environment.
During the times of my deployent I kept busy. I worked hard, I went to the gym, I slept. I self medicated with tylenol PM. I was taking 4-6 tylenol PM every night in order to sleep. Sometimes it worked sometimes it didn't. I looked forward to escaping this prison of isolation by sleep. When sleep refused to come I was miserable.
I had no one to talk to. Every one had a ulterior motive for being friendly. I was ordered not to talk to anyone in the Company. I did just that. I was so miserable that I would sit for hours late at night and write my feelings down on paper then carefully tear the paper up. I would tear it into little shreds of paper smaller and smaller until it looked like snow. Then I would do it again and again.
I went to work myself, I went to the gym by myself, I went to chow by myself, I was in a daze. I forgot what day it was, I rarely looked at the time as it clicked by. I would not count down the days, I didn't want to know how much time I had left I didn't want to think of it. I just did my time and hoped for it to end.
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