Remember once you Say it outloud you can't take it back

     We all get mad. we all get made in different ways. Regardless of how we express our anger, once the thoughts are verbalized, let out loudly, written, or whispered the damage is done.
     Where is the truth in that? is there any truth in the words spoken in anger? Is it true or is it anger? I recall several events that make me question a person's words.
We had just gone thru the OC spray course, a painfull blinding, pepper spray that burns for hours even after you try to wash it off. Some people try to act as though there is nothing happening, and others are screaming at the top of thier lings because of the discomfort.
Having observed several females suffering with the end results of the spray, I went to their aid. One of the females was the sister of the First Sergeant's pet. She was hostile, bitter and filled with hate for my help. I had been recovering from the spray and offered to guide her over to the fan - the cooling air lessened the burning sensation on your skin, she gritted her teeth and spat at me :Don't touch me!" she pulled her arms from me with a violent jerk. I was shocked. So I let her be. I took care of my own face.
     As I was walking to my area to pick up my gear, the first sergeant stopped me and told me to go help his pet. She was having a very bad reaction to the OC spray. I told him what had just happened and he ordered me to try again. I refused. I didn't see the good in it. He insisted and so back I went. I offered her cool towels for her eyes and she threw them on the ground. "Don't fuckin help me!" ok. so I left. I walked the long way around the buildings, found a dry corner and sat down to rest and recover. As I was contemplating what had just happened, and I had no way to know why someone, in agony, in severe pain would spit at you or cuss at you unless they felt you were trying to hurt them, or cause further damage to thier situation.
     People sat down, eventually talking to each other about the sucess of the course," You looked so funny with the snot in your nose dangling down," You looked like you were Hurting," on and on with a little light hearted teasing. Building comraderie. Strenthening the bonds needed to rely on later when the stress of a mission would call on each person's resiliency and test thier personal courage to the point of breaking.
     I shared this time of ribbing with no one. I sat on the outskirts listening, laughing silently to my self, but not welcome to join in. I as sad. So I adopted my thick outer shell. My shell was getting thicker and this was juct the beginning.